we Want what we Want

Over the past 5-8 years I have become an avid reader and viewer of the news. Generally I stick to a few basics, CNN, NPR, and sometimes MSNBC. I try to stay away from news outlets that include too much opinion - coming from the anchors themselves- but it's not always that easy. My general routine looks a little something like this:

1. Wake up: Turn on the TV (well unmute the TV or turn the volume up...what can I say I sleep with it on!), CNN is already on based on what was on the night before. 
2. Get ready while listening to CNN and attempting not to get too distracted by the most up to date "shenanigan" of our political party candidates, olympians, and others and leave for work 
3. In my car, if the radio is playing, NPR is on and the follow up or additional details to what I likely heard on TV begin to play with a few additional stories that I would consider to be 'real news' rather than attention grabbers. 
4. Throughout my work day, I may check social media or CNN's mobile app to read additional stories
5. Before bed my TV goes back on and while settling down to sleep and incredulously take in the remainder of the day's "news" have a phone call and attempt to fall asleep.  

In the beginning of this round of campaigns, I found myself glued to the TV. I was unable to to fathom the actions of some, the level of commentary and ignorance from others, and finally constant disrespect for the honor that is the highest office in the world. I have to admit that there was a level of excitement or curiosity each evening thinking "I wonder what's going to happen next," or "Could he or she say anything worse?" or even "is it possible that people truly won't understand the depths of the problem this time?" But, over time, I have found myself less intrigued and often more and more disgusted and mystified by what I see and hear. My curiosity has given way to resignation and many nights of preferring to stay in the dark than standing in the light of the current state of our country.

For years, I have prided myself of staying engaged, updated, and knowledgeable on the "state of the union." But now, it seems that being knowledgeable simply means being constantly reminded of how inadequate our system is, how mediocre our criteria for leadership has become, and just how rose colored the glasses of some individuals are.

A few nights ago, a former Lieutenant Governor of NY stated that the school to prison pipeline does not exist, while in the same breath denying the existence of systemic racism in America. Every night talking heads regurgitate stats to prove that one candidate is right while refuting truths - based on those same stats- to indicate that another candidate must be wrong.  The truth that our perception is our reality has never been more clear to me. Those who claim that injustices and systems of oppression to not exist, have the luxury of living in a world where their identity is accepted and praised. A world where it seems preposterous for someone to claim that the privileges they've received, unknowingly and yet willingly, are available for everyone. That world -where the perception of equality is evident while the reality of injustice and centuries old statutes created for oppression reign strong, and the truths lie below the surface, hidden enough to continue yet blatant enough to take the lives of far too many, allows for some to see roses while others feel the thorns.

The news has become a platform for commentators to spew hatred, blindness to truths, and opinions rather than facts. It has become exhausting, not only to watch and listen to the news, but to decipher the news, from the entertainment. I am a fan of hearing multiple arguments and learning from both sides of an issue, but when my daily news intake sounds more like reality TV than a forum for knowledge sharing and engagement with the events and status of our country I know that something has gone wrong.

I am fascinated with the truth that on a strictly political note, we as a people have accepted the state of the "2016 Race for the White House." It is evident to me the impact of our social media driven, reality TV inspired, and video game enthused society has truly been realized. It is possible for people to separate elements of reality and to see truths and falsehood at the same time. People look at political candidates the way that they see reality TV stars, real but not real. The trouble is, a political candidate is REAL and their presidency, congressional term or governorship, will have real impact on your life. Despite the theatrics of politics and the curiosity or excitement, elections are real choices, and it often feels like the depth and girth of the decisions we make as voting citizens is beginning to dwindle.

As our country moves forward, I truly hope that a voice will be given to the realities of nation. The truths of the dependencies in the lives individuals live, the privileges that come with race and often class, and the depths of the racial injustices that exist. No one wants to be called a racist, just as no mother wants to get the call that an officer's latent racial bias led to the death of her child. No individual wants to hear that school systems are feeding the "school to prison pipeline," the same as no person wants to be caught in it. My hope is that the news will begin to share the facts that cannot be denied rather than the continuous stream of opinions from individuals who all want the wold to be how they see it.

Danger, Drama Alert!

Today was a day like no other.


Let me just leave that there.......

Ok, I'm ready.

Although it was surely a day that left me questioning a lot of things - my job, how the minds of other individuals work, if logical reasoning skills are hard to come by, and of course "where did I go wrong?" - it was also a day that lead to me remember my favorite way of dealing with the ups and downs of life. WRITING.

So, here I am. Today I was pushed to question my limits in the work place. Forced to wonder "at what point do I throw away workplace manners?" Have you ever had to ask yourself that question? I am definitely one to "catch an attitude," I will not lie to anyone about that fact. But, I also see work as a place where things have to get done... a place where your attitude is generally not welcome. Where I struggle, is the line between where your attitude is not welcome and where your attitude is necessary in order to deal with the attitudes and persona of others. I found myself in a position today where no matter how hard I tried, the attitude could not be contained.

I was in a conversation with someone who I expected (based on title, level of income, and level of leadership) to behave in one way and as the conversation progressed I realized that they would be behaving in a completely different way. Now, I know that there are people out there that have the special ability to stay calm when others talk to them crazy, but as for me, I am not one of those people. And today, despite my meaningful attempts at telling my attitude it was not welcome, I was unable to contain it. To my defense, I definitely think I handled the situation in a far more professional manner than my counter part. But, for the level of professionalism that I work to hold myself to, I felt short.

In order to be clear, I've outlined the conversation below (mostly for hilarity)

Part 1: I walk into a conversation that is clearly about something that those involved feel they need to discuss with me.

- Once this becomes clear those involved in the conversation turn their sites on me and begin asking questions and making statements that I find it extremely hard to connect. We stumble our way to an "understanding" by the end of the conversation, only for one member of the conversation to stand up and indiscreetly go speak with another party rather than continue the conversation with me.

Part 2: The other party returns from the conversation extremely confused and requesting that I speak with the member involved as they are unclear of why this person brought the matter to them.

Part 3: I compose myself (as you can imagine I am heated... why did you just go clearly talk about me to someone else instead of sharing with me that you have more to say... I was under the impression that we were all adults here) and enter a room to speak with the member of the previous conversation. The conversation begins awkwardly (as you can imagine) proceeds to insults and accusations (this is where I am proud of myself as they did not come from me), a series of me asking to have the opportunity to finish my sentences without being cut off, said member using an increasingly accusatory and rude tone, a few too many neck roles (from someone who I can only assume had no idea who they were talking to), misunderstandings about what days constitute work days, and how a responsible party handles a question or misunderstanding, me being asked not to have "an attitude" and therefore reaching my breaking point, and concluded with said member storming out of the room stating "I don't even care! I don't have to work with you next year anyway!" Of course nothing was solved, and all questions that said member went to have answered by the other party were still unanswered. But a new question arose, "what do I do now?"

Part 4: If you know me, you know that I do NOT like an unresolved conflict. Even if you don't know we have a conflict, if I think we have one, we're RESOLVING it! So, in this case where things became very heated - to the point where the party stormed out, not only out of our meeting but out of the office - you can imagine that I feel a deep need to resolve the conflict, even though I do believe I was sincerely disrespected. I also feel compelled to answer the question, "what could I have done differently?" Undoubtedly, 1 answer is "don't ever forget that your attitude is not welcome" or "be the bigger person, even when the other person's professionalism is spiraling out of control." But, knowing that I couldn't go back, and that I surely didn't plan to apologize, I knew that what happened next was very important because our work relationship - despite what the party said as they stormed out of the meeting - would have to continue.

This is where things get interesting. I reached out to the party asking for a follow-up meeting in order to talk through the important items that we did not resolve. For me, I assume that whatever the feelings are, the work must still get done... so feelings have to be put aside. I also assume that with continued work and an opportunity to meet, we could resolve the conflict. Yes, a conflict that I am deeply confused about its existence, but a conflict none the less. I'm sure you could guess that the request to follow up was DENIED, and my deep seeded need for conflict resolution has gone unrequited.

Part 5: "What do I now?" is the question that is still on my mind, and the reason for this long overdue post.

I hope that the situation from today does not become a drawn out and drama filled episode of a soap opera, as I cannot handle such a thing. But, I guess the bright side is.... (in the words of said member) "I don't have to work with you next year anyway!" So no matter how drama filled this gets, it's short lived.

Work-life drama is for the birds,

K

Troy Davis' Last Words

Troy's last words: "The incident that night was not my fault, I did not have a gun...look deaper into this case so that you can find the truth...I didn't kill your son father and brother.. I am innocent."

Troy's last letter:
September 10th, 2011

To All:

I want to thank all of you for your efforts and dedication to Human Rights and Human Kindness, in the past year I have experienced such emotion, joy, sadness and never ending faith. It is because of all of you that I am alive today, as I look at my sister Martina I am marveled by the love she has for me and of course I worry about her and her health, but as she tells me she is the eldest and she will not back down from this fight to save my life and prove to the world that I am innocent of this terrible crime.

As I look at my mail from across the globe, from places I have never ever dreamed I would know about and people speaking languages and expressing cultures and religions I could only hope to one day see first hand. I am humbled by the emotion that fills my heart with overwhelming, overflowing Joy. I can’t even explain the insurgence of emotion I feel when I try to express the strength I draw from you all, it compounds my faith and it shows me yet again that this is not a case about the death penalty, this is not a case about Troy Davis, this is a case about Justice and the Human Spirit to see Justice prevail.

I cannot answer all of your letters but I do read them all, I cannot see you all but I can imagine your faces, I cannot hear you speak but your letters take me to the far reaches of the world, I cannot touch you physically but I feel your warmth everyday I exist.

For the continuation of the letter ---> 

http://redantliberationarmy.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/to-all-a-message-from-troy-anthony-davis/

9/11 A Day of Reflection: Quote of The Day

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." Confucius 

September 11th, a day that 10 years ago could be seen as nothing but tragedy and loss for The United States of America is now a special day in our country's history. President Obama summed up the importance of that infamous day perfectly with the Lord's words. "Weaping may endure for a night, but joy will cometh in the morning." The morning in this case was not simply the next day, but all the days to come. Each and everyday following that horrible morning has been a testament to the resilience of our country. Aside from the knowledge and understanding of the level of security the U.S needs, we also learned some very important lessons. These lessons were in strength of our armed forces, the bravery of the men and women in the police and fire departments, and the average men and women who risked their lives to save others that day. 

As it says in the quote above one of the most important pieces of acquiring wisdom is reflection. Following reflection is imitation. What does this mean? Each one of us has a very important job. Looking at the heroes from that day and the days to come, we must now imitate their actions. This imitation does not always have to take form in grand gestures. This can happen in small ways and little acts of kindness. 

According to Confucius, experience is the final step in acquiring wisdom. September 11th is a perfect example of this. 9/11 was an experience that none of us will ever forget. Whether it is where you were when it happened, who told you of the events, the first time you saw the footage or those lost during or in the years to follow we can never forget this experience. 

Lessons, Trials and Oh yes the Tribulations!

From the beginning, this summer was pegged as one to remember. In all honesty when I started my blog I wasn't positive if there would truly be a lot that happened this summer that was memorable. But I was hoping that there would be, and low and behold there was! Apart from the actions and adventures that this summer held I can simply express what I learned from myself. Yes, I was consciously trying to teach myself lessons. Everytime I posted a quote of the day with thoughts and questions to my readers, I asked myself the same exact questions. Through this process I trully believe that I have grown as a woman this summer. Next to the lessons that my blog has been teaching me my everyday, life has been teaching me lessons of its' own.

From my trip to Atlanta with my cousins, to my experiences in the radio station, and even my interactions with my parents I have learned and grown a great deal this summer. By taking the time to truly step back and examine my life through writing in the blog I have gained even more from each day. Here are some lessons that I've learned.

1. Never lose sight of your goals, not even for a second.
The moment you stop thinking about your future is the moment you begin to make decisions that can in no way lead you to where you want to be. This summer I made a decision and partook in an activity that lead to serious reprecusions for me and my family. Although I am ashamed of what happened I would not take back the lessons I learned for anything.

2. Know how to pick-em!
What do I mean? Well along with the lesson of keeping your goals insight my run-in this summer taught me to pick who you spend your time with wisely. If I had been with any other group of people when trouble found me I may not have come out unscathed, because of the strong individual I was with (who knows who he is) I was saved.

3. Love yourself.
As many of you know I am going through the process of going natural known as transitioning. When I say loving myself and whatever you want to call this MESS growing from my scalp is important I.am.not.kidding. This summer I had to talk to myself constantly to remind myself how important loving who I am and what God has given me is.

4. Respect yourself.
Over the years I have been in many situations and been through a lot of tough times that could have been avoided if I had only respected myself enough to leave. Over the past two years I have been working very hard on keeping people out of my life who do not respect me enough to be in it. One thing I needed to think about more was how much I respect myself. How others choose to act or conduct themselves is not under my control, how I choose to react to their actions is the only thing that I have power over. Because of how much I have learned to respect and to love myself I can no longer allow anything or anyone to control how wonderful my life is.

5. I know what I want.
This summer my dreams and goals came into full focus. As I posted before I have some very big short term and long term goals and up until just recently I simply had ideas. I know that I have a purpose in this world and the things I have seen and struggles I've had and wittnessed were not in vain. Although my lifetime goal is to make a difference in the lives of more women then I can ever know, I am certain that along the way I will accomplish and see more great things than I could ever imagine.

The Transition

As my summer has finally come to an end, these last few days before classes start shall be called "The Transition!" I haven't come up with a new name for my blog.. I suppose "A Summer to Remember" won't fit once it's winter time! I am DEFINITELY taking suggestions.

Today was my first day back on campus. If you've been keeping up, you're aware that I'm a peer advisor for incoming freshmen! Today was the first day of the program (training, set-up etc) and the students come tomorrow. I am very excited for this new chapter in my life and am praying for my "LINKEES" already. I know they will all be wonderful and beautiful in their own ways. I have 6 students- 3 boys and 3 girls. Although I was hoping for more, I'm pretty sure 6 will be enough to add a good chunk of commitment to my already busy schedule!

As the week continues I will be sure to fill you in on some interesting things that I am sure I will encounter and give some inside scoop on this new experience!

Until next time,

Hot 96.3 The Recap #1!

The last day of my internship at Hot 96.3 was today! As I promised in my very 1st post to my blog I will let you all in on everything I've been doing this summer. This is the first of many stories/posts from my wonderful internship. This was the video I gave to JJ to post on the station's website! I learned a lot and met A LOT of really great people! I can't wait to come back and hang with everyone (especially once I'm actually 21)