Let me just leave that there.......
Although it was surely a day that left me questioning a lot of things - my job, how the minds of other individuals work, if logical reasoning skills are hard to come by, and of course "where did I go wrong?" - it was also a day that lead to me remember my favorite way of dealing with the ups and downs of life. WRITING.
So, here I am. Today I was pushed to question my limits in the work place. Forced to wonder "at what point do I throw away workplace manners?" Have you ever had to ask yourself that question? I am definitely one to "catch an attitude," I will not lie to anyone about that fact. But, I also see work as a place where things have to get done... a place where your attitude is generally not welcome. Where I struggle, is the line between where your attitude is not welcome and where your attitude is necessary in order to deal with the attitudes and persona of others. I found myself in a position today where no matter how hard I tried, the attitude could not be contained.
I was in a conversation with someone who I expected (based on title, level of income, and level of leadership) to behave in one way and as the conversation progressed I realized that they would be behaving in a completely different way. Now, I know that there are people out there that have the special ability to stay calm when others talk to them crazy, but as for me, I am not one of those people. And today, despite my meaningful attempts at telling my attitude it was not welcome, I was unable to contain it. To my defense, I definitely think I handled the situation in a far more professional manner than my counter part. But, for the level of professionalism that I work to hold myself to, I felt short.
In order to be clear, I've outlined the conversation below (mostly for hilarity)
Part 1: I walk into a conversation that is clearly about something that those involved feel they need to discuss with me.
- Once this becomes clear those involved in the conversation turn their sites on me and begin asking questions and making statements that I find it extremely hard to connect. We stumble our way to an "understanding" by the end of the conversation, only for one member of the conversation to stand up and indiscreetly go speak with another party rather than continue the conversation with me.
Part 2: The other party returns from the conversation extremely confused and requesting that I speak with the member involved as they are unclear of why this person brought the matter to them.
Part 3: I compose myself (as you can imagine I am heated... why did you just go clearly talk about me to someone else instead of sharing with me that you have more to say... I was under the impression that we were all adults here) and enter a room to speak with the member of the previous conversation. The conversation begins awkwardly (as you can imagine) proceeds to insults and accusations (this is where I am proud of myself as they did not come from me), a series of me asking to have the opportunity to finish my sentences without being cut off, said member using an increasingly accusatory and rude tone, a few too many neck roles (from someone who I can only assume had no idea who they were talking to), misunderstandings about what days constitute work days, and how a responsible party handles a question or misunderstanding, me being asked not to have "an attitude" and therefore reaching my breaking point, and concluded with said member storming out of the room stating "I don't even care! I don't have to work with you next year anyway!" Of course nothing was solved, and all questions that said member went to have answered by the other party were still unanswered. But a new question arose, "what do I do now?"
Part 4: If you know me, you know that I do NOT like an unresolved conflict. Even if you don't know we have a conflict, if I think we have one, we're RESOLVING it! So, in this case where things became very heated - to the point where the party stormed out, not only out of our meeting but out of the office - you can imagine that I feel a deep need to resolve the conflict, even though I do believe I was sincerely disrespected. I also feel compelled to answer the question, "what could I have done differently?" Undoubtedly, 1 answer is "don't ever forget that your attitude is not welcome" or "be the bigger person, even when the other person's professionalism is spiraling out of control." But, knowing that I couldn't go back, and that I surely didn't plan to apologize, I knew that what happened next was very important because our work relationship - despite what the party said as they stormed out of the meeting - would have to continue.
This is where things get interesting. I reached out to the party asking for a follow-up meeting in order to talk through the important items that we did not resolve. For me, I assume that whatever the feelings are, the work must still get done... so feelings have to be put aside. I also assume that with continued work and an opportunity to meet, we could resolve the conflict. Yes, a conflict that I am deeply confused about its existence, but a conflict none the less. I'm sure you could guess that the request to follow up was DENIED, and my deep seeded need for conflict resolution has gone unrequited.
Part 5: "What do I now?" is the question that is still on my mind, and the reason for this long overdue post.
I hope that the situation from today does not become a drawn out and drama filled episode of a soap opera, as I cannot handle such a thing. But, I guess the bright side is.... (in the words of said member) "I don't have to work with you next year anyway!" So no matter how drama filled this gets, it's short lived.
Work-life drama is for the birds,
K
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